


Social Media, Witchipedia

by Ink_stained_quills



Category: The Owl House (Cartoon)
Genre: Amity Blight Has a Crush, Bisexual Disaster Luz Noceda, Crack, F/F, Fluff and Crack, Gay Amity Blight, Good Friends Willow and Gus, I love these kiddos, Influencer AU, Kinda some swearing now but not much, Oblivious Luz Noceda, Social Media AU, Youtube AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-17
Updated: 2020-09-07
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:34:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,450
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25956085
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ink_stained_quills/pseuds/Ink_stained_quills
Summary: Luz posts a picture of Amity with cat ears on and has to deal with the consequences." “Are you absolutely certain the cat ears are necessary,” Amity asks long-sufferingly.“Yes,”  Luz informs her, because it is true and also they’ll match, and slides the offending headband onto her friend’s head.  “They’re integral to the healing process.  Tell her, Willow.”“Maybe it’s a human thing?”  Willow offers Amity.  “I believe we’re all aware she hurt her leg, not her head.” "
Relationships: Amity Blight & Edric Blight & Emira Blight, Amity Blight & Gus, Amity Blight & Willow, Amity Blight/Luz Noceda, Emira Blight/Viney (mentioned), Gus & Luz Noceda & Willow, Luz Noceda & Edric Blight & Emira Blight
Comments: 108
Kudos: 741
Collections: Inky’s Crack Fics





	1. *snaps fingers* snapchat

**Author's Note:**

  * For [EssenceOfAnnoyance](https://archiveofourown.org/users/EssenceOfAnnoyance/gifts).



> This is for Essence because I want you to watch this show!! No pressure but I'm gonna start screeching about it to you soon enough my friend
> 
> Takes place after episode seventeen - HOLY SHIT. Please talk to me about this. Oh my god. This might turn into a series who knows
> 
> Song: I REALLY LIKE YOU - Carly Rae Jepsen Rock Cover by Chloe Adams

“Are you absolutely certain the cat ears are necessary,” Amity asks long-sufferingly.

“Yes,” Luz informs her, because it is true and also they’ll match, and slides the offending headband onto her friend’s head. “They’re integral to the healing process. Tell her, Willow.”

“Maybe it’s a human thing?” Willow offers Amity. “I believe we’re all aware she hurt her leg, not her head.”

Gus halts his snooping in Luz’s bag. She wonders if he’s found her secret stash of chapstick. “Fascinating. Perhaps the ears plug into the human head? There’s so much we don’t know! Luz, would you be willing to -”

“If this is the scanning spell again, I don’t wanna hear it,” she tells him. “The last time we did that it told me I had cholera.”

“Well your Wichipedia article agreed, so it couldn’t have been all bad,” Gus reasons. Luz generously decides against pointing out that the scanning spell is the Wikipedia of magic, complete with teachers warning against it, and instead chooses to take a picture of Amity’s adorable eared head.

Amity eyes her suspiciously, which, rude. “What are you going to do with that.”

“Nothing!” Luz protests. “... except send it to Edric and Emira.”

“No!” Amity howls, lunging for the phone, and Luz darts off the couch as she sends the message.

“Wouldn’t it be funny if one of those cliche, ‘I sent it to the entire school’ scenarios happened?” Luz suggests.

“How do you even have their numbers,” Amity grumps, Willow patting her soothingly on the back.

“It’d be really funny, right?” Luz persists. “Please say it’d be funny.”

The green haired witch looks up so fast Luz worries about her neck. “Don’t tell me you actually did it!”

“Okay, I won’t tell you,” she replies quickly. “Oh look, a distraction!”

“What is this slimy yet soothing substance… it tastes pretty nice,” Gus pipes up from where he’s seated on the floor. Luz notices that he has, in fact, found her chapstick. She also notices he’s applying it to his teeth. “Is it for ease whilst eating food?”

“Hooty, come here!” Luz orders. Amity looks twice as murderous as she did a moment prior, which is an impressive feat considering she’d been pretty angry. 

“I always knew this day would come, hoot!” Hooty cheers. “Do you want to hear about the time I -”

Luz wipes the tainted chapstick onto the house spirit right before Amity karate chops him in the head. This has the dual benefits of cleaning the chapstick and reducing Amity’s rage level, which tends to be considerably higher than is good for her. She applies it where it’s supposed to go. “It goes on your mouth!”

“Fascinating,” Gus repeats, and Luz basks in the glow for another moment before Amity raps sharply on the table.

“Luz,” she growls, “did you seriously send that picture to the entire school?”

“I always thought those were implausible.” Willow muses. “You know, because the characters are typically those that wouldn’t have that many phone numbers.”

Luz stumbles for something to say other than ‘I’ll fix it’, looking imploringly at Amity. “I think you looked cute in that photo, if it helps?”

There is a long moment, stretching and contorting, that Luz takes equal parts comfort and anxiety in - like a sticky hand that’s been pulled to the point of breaking and you’re just waiting for it to snap. Then Amity flushes a bright red and suddenly seems to develop a compulsive need to look anywhere else.

“You’ve been going red a lot recently, Amity,” Luz notes, leaning forward to put a hand on her forehead. “Do you have a fever?”

“I - hot - yeah, face hot.” Amity agrees(?). Willow and Gus face-palm in unison, refuse to tell Luz why, and look exasperated when she reminds them that she was the one to teach them that, actually guys.

There’s a ping from her phone, and Luz ducks away to check it.

(Group Chat Name: Amity Siblings+Luz we are not calling it that wait is this voice text you guys are idiots how do we change it though I’m not telling you)

Message from: Thing 2 (Ed)  
im gonna die

Message from: Thing 2 (Ed)  
im gonna die

Message from: Thing 1 (Em)  
No, /Mittens/ is going to die lmao

Message from: Thing 2 (Ed)  
oh god what does her face look like right now

Message from: Thing 1 (Em)  
I can’t believe that you put that online 

Message from: Thing 2 (Ed)  
youre an icon oh my magic

Message from: Thing 1 (Em)  
I can’t believe you didn’t abbreviate ‘omm’

Message from: Thing 2 (Ed)  
,,, you capitalize stuff and use proper punctuation like a grandma

Message from: Thing 1 (Em)  
Rip at least I’m not the one wearing cat ears for all the world to see

Message from: Thing 2 (Ed)  
true lets go back to making fun of little sister dearest

Message from: Losera (Luz)  
I DIDN'T MEAN TO

Message from: Losera (Luz)  
Hey did you two change my username again

Message from: Thing 1 (Em)  
You make it too easy, cutie

Message from: Losera (Luz)  
H o w

Message from: Thing 2 (Ed)  
dude your password is 12621181

Message from: Thing 2 (Ed)  
‘azura’

Message from: magical_sports_rules_are_stupid (Luz)  
You’re both in the callout biz huh

Message from: Thing 1 (Em)  
She names with true bitterness in her soul

Message from: Thing 2 (Ed)  
true illusion course lessons are for callouts

“Since when do you have a scroll?” Gus asks innocently. “You have your human phone.”

“Yeah, well, I need all my storage for videos.” Luz sniffs, flicking through her photos app. “Look, here’s one of King cheerleading!”

“Aww,” Willow and Gus chorus. Amity pouts over Willow’s shoulder, eyeing the offending post on her own scroll. She hasn’t taken off the ears yet (maybe she really does think they provide human healing). ‘Soft’, Willow mouths at the other girl, nodding to the ears. Luz nods back, mouthing ‘the ears are super soft, yeah!’. The plant witch narrows her eyes incredulously.

“Can we take the picture down?” Gus suggests.

“Excellent idea!” Luz cheers, clicking through the app. “Problem solved, let me just - oh my magic.”

“What?” Amity asks, craning her neck to look at the image. “What’s happened?”

“... this is the most seen thing I’ve posted.” Luz whispers.

“The twins have shared it, like, six times on their own.” notices Willow, who’s gotten onto her own feed.

“Are you sharing it right now?” Amity yelps, staring at her screen. “Gus, we’re friends on this app, you can’t hide that!”

“Finger slipped,” Gus says with a straight face. Amity covers her face with her hands and lets out a high keening noise, something Luz can’t help but associate with King and his shrieks of rage.

Luz stares at her steadily-growing number of followers - turns out Amity’s still pretty popular, despite what you-know-who might say - and wracks her brain for something she can do. She flips her hood up so her ears are showing, wraps an arm around Amity’s shoulders, and lifts the scroll.

Amity’s caught on camera, looking at Luz with big warm eyes and pink cheeks. It’s a good look for her, Luz thinks absently, arm curled around her friend as she snaps the photo. “Bam - now you’re not alone!”

“Nooooooo,” Amity huffs, smushing her head into Luz’s shoulder. “You’re a betrayer.”

#couplegoals pops up on the newest picture just moments after uploading. @emi-condemn-me tags his sister in the post with what Luz is sure is no small amount of glee, and @ed-drop-dead is quick to continue the trend. The twins have strange, strange usernames.

@flower-language-says-no commented (and you thought this would fix it) on your post!

@with-gusto commented (can we get #Luxity trending pls) on your post!

@angry-blight commented (Wow. Human. Terrible picture. Unfollow me immediately.) on your post!

@witchy-human replied (as soon as you unfollow me) to @angry-blight’s comment on your post!

@three-eyes-and-killing-it commented (i was going to post something mean… but i think this is painful enough lol) on your post!

The room is filled with the furious clicking of four people replying to the same comment, and at last Luz drops her scroll on the couch and stares at her friends. “We’re all in the same room.”

“This is true,” Gus agrees without looking up. “Hang on, I’m about to -”

“Wreck this man’s whole career?” Luz suggests.

Gus blinks, looking up from his screen. “She doesn’t have a career. She’s a female student.”

“Oooh, I’m showing you guys Vine compilations at the earliest opportunity.” she whispers.

Willow holds out her hand. “I can do vines!”

“No!” Luz yelps, jumping up from the couch. “It’s a human internet thing - Willow, I love your plant magic but Eda would kill me if you flooded the house with plants.”

Amity smirks, holding up her own scroll. “This is for insurance. Show us these electronic ‘vines’, Luz, and I’ll see if they’re any good.”

“Oh, they will be,” Luz insists, taking the challenge, and scrabbles for her phone. “We’re starting with Thomas Sanders. I bet he’ll make you laugh out loud.”

“Is that a bet?” Amity asks, getting up and walking over to her.

Their faces are really close. Why does this keep happening? Not that Luz minds, it’s just distracting. “It’s a promise.”

Willow and Gus smack each other’s foreheads.

Twenty minutes later, Gus is crying happy tears, Willow is making pleased little chuckle noises, and Amity has her lips pressed together like the world will end if she laughs. Onscreen, Thomas Sanders finishes another joke and Amity bursts out laughing, holding her sides like she thinks she’ll burst.

I am a genius for recording this, Luz congratulates herself silently, giving herself a pat on the back. 

@ed-drop-dead commented (why is there no whip emoji) on your post!

“Luz, are there a lot of these in your dimension?” Gus squeals. “They’re kinda like Ivy.”

“You have a witch version of Vine?” Luz sits up straight (ha, everyone knows bisexuals can’t sit properly), and flicks through the Zapp Store until she comes upon Ivy. “Oh man, I can’t believe it’s not dead!”

“Don’t download it!” Willow yells in warning, right as Luz pushes the download button with a ‘boop’. Her scroll vibrates, making her yelp, and from the screen explodes ivy streams. On each leaf is a separate video.

The living room is flooded.

“... because that’ll happen.” the plant witch finishes in her sweet, slightly scratchy voice. “It’s more commonly used as a safe landing spot when you’re sent flying, honestly.”

“Wow,” Luz breathes, flipping through the leaves. “Hey, this one’s got chickens in it!”

She climbs up the plant, waving off her friends’ reminders about thorns, and settles at the top. Willow sighs, stroking the leaf nearest to her. “I’m closing the app.”

The plants shimmer underneath her, prompting a ‘woah’, as Willow exits the app. Luz falls onto the ground with a thud, groaning as she sits up too quickly. “At least these got rid of all the thorns!”

“Exactly how many thorns did it have to get rid of?” Amity asks suspiciously. Luz flashes four fingers, then frowns and puts up eight, then puts one down. Amity bursts out laughing for some strange reason, eyes closed and an arm around her waist as she bends forward. Edging closer, Luz watches with a grin plastered across her own face.

My friends are all so adorable, she muses to herself.

@flower-language-says-no posted an image!

In the picture, Amity’s mid laugh. Luz’s mind short circuits for a moment, because why didn’t she think to take a picture? That’s kind of all she’s been doing since she got here! Her own face in the picture looks enraptured, almost, and Luz bites her lip. Probably soul searching time tonight.

“Uh,” Luz stumbles over her words, “I’m gonna get drinks.”

Amity looks up at her trustingly, Willow and Gus with their mouths open as if they’re the venus flytraps Willow loves so much. “Yep! Good ol… water. Can’t live with it, can’t live without it! I mean, technically you can live with it - you need it! I’m gonna leave the room now.” Water has never seemed so important, yet so unimportant at the same time.

“Luz!” Gus calls from the other room. “I have to get to my extracurriculars.”

“Yeah, I’ve got to go tend to my plants. I’ve got this one that needs so much attention, you wouldn’t believe it, haha!” Willow offers with a nervous laugh, climbing to her feet.

Amity looks between the two of them. “... I guess I have to practice violin?”

“Nah, you should probably stay right here!” Gus protests, patting her on the shoulder. “I mean, gotta be careful with that leg!”

“Ooookay,” Amity says slowly. Luz glares at him, and the illusionist merely winks back. He and Willow duck out the door with final hugs to both Luz and Amity.

“Hugs?” Hooty chirps as they leave. “I got a hug once! Or, well, maybe it was a strangling…”

They slam the door.

Amity’s phone lets out the little trill of an incoming message, and she checks her scroll with a sigh. “Guess Ed and Em are coming to get me. I absolutely do not want them talking to you today, so I’m going to wait outside.”

“Alright!” Luz smiles at her. She hesitates for a moment - now she’s kind of nervous - before lurching forward and hugging the other girl briefly. “Get back safe, Amity!”

“Uh - yep! Soft hug,” Amity agrees, spinning to the door.

“Maybe we should use the scanning spell to see if you’re having heatstroke,” Luz frowns.

“Do not do that, no!” yelps Amity. “But, uh…”

“Yeah?” Luz asks, leaning against the door.

Amity smiles softly, briefly, as she stands silhouetted in the doorway’s light. “The pictures weren’t so bad.”

The door closes, and Luz can head Edric and Emira loudly discussing the cat ears as they leave. She wonders how red Amity’s face is right now. She wonders exactly how much soul searching she’s going to have to do later.

@angry-blight commented (I’m going to spam your feed with the same picture of Hooty if this happens again) on your post!

Yeah. Probably a lot.


	2. BooTube famous

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY. Guess this is a multichapter fic now? Uhhhh who knows about updates lmao school's starting
> 
> Anybody else heard the song "Hey stupid I love you"by JP Saxe

The internet is a terribly helpful thing, when King isn’t using her phone for cat videos. (That’s a whole thing to unpack on its own: King, albeit a demon, seems pretty doglike? Some kind of pet? Luz doesn’t have pet experience with anything except a fish she steadfastly pretended was a dragon from ages seven to ten.)

It turns out that the true purpose of the internet is introspection! Introspecting isn’t something Luz tends to do, but in this instance - 

“I think introspection is something you have to do with yourself,” Luz tells King apologetically when he asks to “participate in the human strengthening ritual”.

“I am the king of demons!” he protests. “Surely I can do whatever this is.”

“In that case, you’d better be prepared to face the most terrifying thing you’ve ever dealt with!” she replies, raising her fist in the air as if hoisting a sword aloft. Luz lowers her voice to a serious whisper. “Gushy emotions.”

“Weh?” King blinks.

“I took a photo of Amity, and then everyone was calling us a couple… and it just got me thinking.” Luz finishes lamely.

The demon squints at her, settling on the couch. “... have you tried burning a small townstead to the ground in her name?”

“Pretty sure that’s not a good method.” Luz pats him on the head. “Thanks, though.”

“Well, dating isn’t something to worry about anyway,” King complains, leaning into the gesture before fidgeting, embarrassed. “Plus, that’ll be less time you spend with me.”

Pleased, Luz gives him a squeeze. “Aww, don’t worry! It’s kinda like hearing your older sister talk about this stuff, huh.”

“Older sister?” King thinks about it. “So long as I retain the authority I commanded before accepting this position!”

“Yes, little brothers get all the respect,” she assures him, giggling.

Message from: Guster (Gus)  
is our principle half demon half witch?

Message from: Guster (Gus)  
or is the demon taking over his body

Message from: Guster (Gus)  
have we ever seen him without the demon thing on his head?!?

Message from: magical_sports_rules_are_stupid (Luz)  
The real question is does he even have the top of his head

Message from: Guster (Gus)  
,,,, he has to use the demon critter as a helmet

Message from: magical_sports_rules_are_stupid (Luz)  
I bet we could get BooTube famous so fast

Message from: Guster (Gus)  
CONSPIRACY BLOG CONSPIRACY BLOG CONSP

So.

Luz has been in the boiling isles for several months. She’s the proud owner of a Hexide uniform, several random seeds that she refuses to plant on the basis that she’ll accidentally commit herbicide, roughly seven outfits - and now, apparently, a conspiracy blog.

Imagine soul searching productively? Introspection, she hardly knew ye.

___

Channel: TwoAndAHalfWitches  
^  
Video: Hexide’s Principal: Which Witch  
^  
Subtitles on

(The video starts to the sounds of several teenagers making comments on something just off screen. Something that looks suspiciously like a demon paw appears on camera for a brief moment before the male witch flicks his hands at the camera. He elbows the female witch next to him.)

Willow: Gosh, I sure hope one of you knows how to edit.

Luz: We’ll burn that bridge when we come to it!

Amity: … why are we burning bridges? I don’t think arson is -

Luz: It’s a human expression, don’t worry about it~

Gus: (sighs dreamily) I love human phrases. They don’t make any sense, but like my granny says: If you plant a skitchersap, you won’t grow juniberries!

Willow: (clearly distressed) In what context did she say that?

Gus: Thinking back, it might have been gardening advice.

Amity: Nobody’s explained what we’re doing.

Luz: Welcome, witches and gentlewizards! This is TwoAndAHalfWitches, and we’re here to discuss the only questions in this day and age that truly matter. I’m Luz the human -

Gus: I’m Gus the witch!

Willow: I’m half a witch Willow, but only for the joke. That I still don’t get.

Luz: (stage whispering) I’ll show you human streaming later.

Willow: We have streams too?

Amity: … I guess I’m Amity. The other witch. As you’ve probably guessed.

Unidentified Cameraperson: And I’m -

Gus: Not allowed to reveal who you are!

Unidentified Cameraperson: Weh?

Luz: Today we’re talking about a very important topic -

Amity: How we should probably stop forcing students into duels to the death?

Luz: Of course not. Principal Bump or whatever his name is has something on his head and I’ve gotta know what it is.

Willow: You know his name. At least I hope you do.

Gus: Personally, I think his brain is being slowly sucked out by a parasitic creature.

Luz: I think he didn’t used to wear a bike helmet, and his mother got sick of it, until she finally grabbed a demon and was like 

Luz: (bad impression of the principal’s mother) ‘won’t wear a helmet? fine!’ and stuck that on him.

(Amity and Willow stare at the other two. Amity’s is a look of confusion. Willow’s is the stare of one who has seen some shit - as if she’s Nostradamus, and her predictions about the end of the world are coming true. Her expression tells the viewer that this has happened before, will happen again, and Amity will get used to it with time. Amity’s face now conveys only fear.)

Unidentified Cameraperson: I think he just wears it like a hat.

Gus: Good suggestion.

Willow: Do you have literally any evidence for any of these theories?

Luz: … no.

Luz: BUT I BET WE COULD GET SOME

Willow: Oh for the love of magic, please don’t -

(Luz rises from her seat, a gleam in her eyes. She and Gus charge out the door, dodging a failed tackle from Amity. Willow sits with her hands covering her face and appears to mourn a loved one - her sanity, perhaps.)  
___

Comments:

@hexidepride: vnwobvrwocmpanbvgur PLEASE can we get a livestream of them attempting to get this footage

@monsterhighdoll: now im picturing him taking off the demon at the end of a school day

@sally-sells-seaweed: (reply to @monsterhighdoll) WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT TO ME

@HexyAndIKnowIt: rip Amity smh that tackle

@showup&blowup: are these hexide students??? actually p funny ngl

@don’t-just-ask-me-why-i-sparkle: I’m subbing rn pls more content

___

Channel: TwoAndAHalfWitches  
^  
Video: Lilith Doesn’t Deserve A Redemption Arc  
^  
Subtitles on

Luz: YOU WOULD NOT BELIEVE

Willow: - your eyes

Gus: - if ten million fireflies

Luz: - lit up the - STOP

Amity: (looking into the camera, deadpan) They’ve been doing this for hours. (The camera zooms in on her face. In her eyes, the viewer can see every sin they’ve ever committed reflected back at them.)

(A new clip begins. It’s clear that there has been a sufficient interval of time between the two recordings for Luz to calm down somewhat, but she still looks annoyed.)

Willow: Lilith: the easygoing, chill lady that runs the Emperor's Coven, right?

Luz: (slams hands on the table) WRONG!

Gus: Roll the clip.

(Clip of Lilith telling the children “Good luck with puberty” plays over the screen. As the video reaches its conclusion, a pair of sunglasses fly onto the screen and superimpose themselves on her face.)

Gus: Savage. However, she is a problematic fave.

Amity: Endangering a minor is no tiny offense. In this video, we’d like to -

Luz: She took Eda and I’m starting a kickstarter to get her back.

Amity: - talk about how far the Emperor is allowed to go in order to further his own goals.

(Fireflies by Owl City plays in the background.)

Luz: I have only myself to blame.

___

Comments:

@sally-sells-seaweed: first comment

@hexidepride: LILITH CALL OUT POST CAN WE GET A RESPONSE @emperor’scoven

@monsterhighdoll: ‘problematic fave’ gus omg wish i went to their school

@rickrolled: w h e e z i n g

@HexyAndIKnowIt: can we get an owl city song count how many times did it play

@don’t-just-ask-me-why-i-sparkle: the part halfway through when their camera person kept subtly sliding anti-lilith propaganda in view of the frame

@boo.who.tube: yo where the hell are they filming these vids please tell me someone else saw that freakyass house demon

@Don’tMindMe: the camera person really told Luz and Amity to get closer together ‘for the video’ huh I love them

___

Channel: TwoAndAHalfWitches  
^  
Video: Eda Is Back So We’re Filming Her Do Random Stuff  
^  
Subtitles on

Luz: Here we have the rare Owl Lady in her natural habitat.

(Eda is shown on screen to be staring blankly into her mug as if it contains the secrets of the universe. Luz is offscreen, presumably holding the camera. Her hand is steady and does not shake - she could be filming the end of the world and retain movie quality footage.)

~~

Amity: Couldn’t the authorities find this?

Luz: It’s okay, I’m not from here

Amity: Wait doesn’t that mean you could get deported

Luz: WH

Eda: Has anyone seen King?

Luz: He’s a trade secret so he has to stay upstairs.

(The authorities in question attempt to take down the channel every week - a futile effort considering the sheer amount of magic that’s been poured into it. Sometimes it works and they have to pop up with a new one, but Willow’s shockingly good at tech.)

~~

(The next clip is of Eda in owlbeast form, eating something that looks suspiciously like a locker from Hexide.)

Luz: Eda, nO -

~~

Eda: Today’s lesson is that one person’s junk is another person’s treasure!

Gus: (snorts)

Luz: Didn’t we already learn this?

Gus: (wheezing) How’d you do that?

Willow: You’re like ten, Gus, please stop.

Gus: Excuse me, I’m eleven so shut the fuck up.

Luz: Heyyyyyy!

Eda: Am I accidentally speaking in Owlish again?

Amity: That’s a thing you can do?

~~

(Luz is sneaking down a hallway, penlight clutched in her hand. In her other fist, she has a mini disco ball.)

Amity: (whispering, offscreen) Are you sure about this? I don’t know if it’s a good idea.

Luz: (whispering) Yep, I’m sure, and I’ll get back to you on the ‘good’ idea front.

(Luz winks at Amity, who must be holding the camera. The camera dips to show the floor for a moment, then zooms back up, almost as if the filmer blushed so hard they almost fell over. They proceed into a room that the viewer can assume to be Eda’s. Luz clicks on the penlight, and a red dot emerges from it.)

Eda: Oh, please, Luz - I’m an owl, not a cat.

(A small black creature dives for the light, scurrying around as Luz doubles over laughing.)

Amity: Guys, this is King - our usual camerademon!

(Luz turns on the disco ball and launches it into the air, causing Eda to lunge for it in a distinctly birdlike fashion. She stares, fascinated.)

___

Comments:

@rickrolled: KING

@HexyAndIKnowIt: they have,,, a literal demon filming for them

@hexidepride: Luz: what do you have? Eda: a locker Luz: nO

@monsterhighdoll: that house looks mad dangerous

@don’t-just-ask-me-why-i-sparkle: anybody else see that camera dip when Luz winked???

@Don’tMindMe: @don’t-just-ask-me-why-i-sparkle YOU KNOW IT

@boo.who.tube: can we get a QnA video OR SOCIAL MEDIA HANDLES

___

Channel: TwoAndAHalfWitches  
^  
Video: What Even Is King  
^  
Subtitles on

Willow: So one of our FAQs is the following: what exactly is King?

King: I am the king of demons! Bow before me, internet dwellers, for I am your god!

Luz: Yes, you’re a demon, but like… what kind?

King: Weh?

Gus: You look like… part cat? Or dog. Or fox.

Amity: That one pokemon from the human world - Cubone?

Willow: The orange bitch?

Gus: Didn’t we used to be a pg channel?

Amity: Wow demonetized

Luz: We were making money off these?

___

Comments:

@hexidepride: “In conclusion, King is a capybara-coyote hybrid.”

@rickrolled: vnwnvhwpnc pqdnvbr I HATE HOW I CAN KINDA SEE IT

@HexyAndIKnowIt: Luz is MAXING the bi finger guns what a mood

@monsterhighdoll: the owl creature thing in the background that kept trying to get on the show and was DENIED

@don’t-just-ask-me-why-i-sparkle: @monsterhighdoll ikr that bit where Willow closed his mouth with vines after Amity used an abomination to pin him to the ground

@boo.who.tube: @don’t-just-ask-me-why-i-sparkle @monsterhighdoll AND GUS MAKING ‘stop. get some help’ WITH ILLUSIONS

@showup&blowup: luz staring into everyone’s souls from 11:20-12:01 is my jam


	3. marry me @subtitler-chan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have you guys seen CharactersWelcome on YouTube? Funniest thing other than this one comment I got on here that read like Bakugou had ghost written it

“Amity,” Luz grumbles from her perch on the couch, “I am beginning to think I can’t, in fact, turn into an owl by doing owlike things.”

“Beginning to think,” Amity repeats disbelievingly.

She doesn’t have to look so unsurprised! It had seemed like a good idea at the time (put those words on her tombstone, honestly) and Luz had thought it would be a good idea for a video… but she’s not a quitter, despite the badge Eda keeps dangling over her head.

“Seriously, have you ever experienced the sheer joy of giving up, kid?” Eda murmurs temptingly from the other room. “Wouldn’t this look nice on a jacket?”

“Stop, temptress!” Luz yells, leaping from the couch and rolling to her feet, striking the Hamilton pose. “I’ll try something else.”

King pans the camera to Amity’s face as she mouths ‘three, two, one’ at it before Luz cries, “Let’s try the roof!” Luz just knows that a picture of Eda and that song that goes ‘not what I meant when I said that’ will appear magically when Willow edits the footage.

“Onwards!” Gus declares, charging after her as they race to the roof.

“You can go on the roof…” Eda calls after them, “but you have to take Hooty with you.”

There’s a group shudder.

“Pros of taking Hooty?” Willow whispers to the group. 

“We can go on the roof, and he might be interesting.” Amity says uncertainly. Luz looks her up and down, and the other girl flushes. “What?”

“Hooty… interesting… I’m getting an allergic reaction…” Pantomiming his throat closing up, Gus drops to the ground with a dramatic death rattle. It’s not half bad.

“And yet you chose to interview him over me,” King sniffs haughtily.

“Aww, King, I said I was sorry about that!” Gus coos, “Tell you what, I’ll interview you for a video in the future or something.”

Willow nods. “Okay, cons of taking Hooty, then.”

As one, the group pulls a face. “It’s Hooty,” Amity says. “I might kill him.”

“She seriously might, I had to pull her off of him one time,” Luz admits.

“So we don’t finish the video, or Amity gets arrested for murder…” Willow thinks on it, then claps her hands together softly. “She’ll just have to resist the urge!”

Willow and Gus laugh as Luz sends a nervous sideways glance at Amity. Amity’s staring off into the distance as if she’s a veteran returning from war, and King zooms in on her face. In her heart of hearts, Luz knows ‘help me’ will be written into her eyes during editing.

In the end, the video turns into Luz Becomes An Owl And Amity Goes To Jail, and it’s their most viewed video yet.

___

“Hey, did you guys know we hit, like, fifty thousand subscribers?” Gus pipes up offhandedly when they’re eating lunch.

“Oh man, what if we got to a million someday?” Luz wonders dreamily.

Willow and Gus exchange the type of glance that means Luz has misunderstood something about this dimension. Willow tilts her head to the side. “Once you hit a million subscribers on BooTube, you have to fight this monster -”

“Wish that was true in the human world, too.” Luz mumbles, then perks up. “Oh, we should do a Q&A!”

“People keep asking for Luz and I to do the girlfriend tag, whatever that is,” Amity notices, skimming through comments on their latest video. “I mean, not that we’re girlfriends! We are girls, and friends, but we - not that it would be a bad! - we just aren’t. Of course. You already know that.”

Luz goes just a little pink. Willow gets just a little suspiciously pleased.

“They want that King interview, and - hoo boy, they have so many questions. This sounds better than that essay I’ve been procrastinating on, let’s do it!” Gus cheers.

___

Channel: TwoAndAHalfWitches  
^  
Video: Q&A (Quips&Axes)  
^  
Subtitles on

Willow: We’re two and a half witches -

Gus: Apparently, you’re only one and a half witches today!

Luz: He’s just bitter because Willow and Amity are making him finish his essay before he can participate.

Gus: Just let them try to stop me.

Amity: Luz, you should be finishing yours too -

Luz: I only have one paragraph left! It’s fine!

(Text scrolls at the top of the screen. It reads: Luz does indeed have only one paragraph of the essay left, but she also has late work from several classes due to the whole ‘Eda’s apprentice’ thing. Amity and Willow wouldn’t find out about this until later, at which point she received the most terrifying double combo of her life: “I’m not mad, I’m just disappointed.)

Willow: So our first question is for King -

(The camera drops a few feet, presumably being put on the couch, and King vaults in front of the camera.)

King: Did somebody say King?

(A clip of Swift Wind from the She-Ra reboot saying “Did somebody say Swift Wind?” plays onscreen.)

Willow: Here it is: aren’t you the cutest lil demon?

King: I see nobody said King.

Willow: Aren’t you going to answer the -

King: I’m only the camerademon and I’m never coming out again.

Luz: I can answer that for him! He’s the cutest little thing, confirmed. Apart from Amity.

Amity: (yelps quietly)

Willow: Okay, this one’s for Gus. Gus, how old are you?

Gus: Never ask a lady how old she is.

Willow: Amity, they’d like to know how you do your hair?

(A clip plays of Amity in the morning, eyes closed as her hands fly over her hair. It’s truly a feat of magic, considering she’s already bumped into two walls.)

Amity: Perfectly.

Willow: Annnnd Luz - how are you human?

Luz: Well, a few months ago, I looked at my ears in the mirror and I was like ‘huh, those look different’, so I went to a doctor. They told me I’d contracted human-itis and it could never be cured, so… 

(Gus has been slowly inching closer to the camera, casting nervous looks at Willow. He creates an illusion of himself to work on his essay.)

Willow: Oh, this one’s for me! Willow, how do you handle being around such sass masters all the time?

Amity: Sass masters? What do you mean?

Willow: With dignity and grace.

King: Is that why you have those plants in your backpack you look at longingly whenever they do something stupid?

Luz: She looks at those plants a lot.

(Images of plants known for their calming/migraine reducing capabilities appear on screen.)

Willow: (stares into the camera like she’s on the office, then turns back to her list) The next question is for everyone. If we’re okay with sharing, what are our sexualities?

Gus: Illusionist.

Luz: Pretty sure that’s not - okay. Work on your paper, mister!

Amity: Girls.

Luz: What a mood.

Amity: … mood?

Luz: Yeah, it’s like… big same.

Amity: That raises more questions. Is this like the dog with improper grammar?

Willow: It haunts my nightmares.

Luz: I’m bisexual, in my case means I like girls and guys. Not to be mistaken for accentual, which means relating to accent or stress in speech.

Gus: You wait around with that definition, don’t you.

Luz: I looked up rhymes, yes.

(Amity is shell shocked. Her face goes through several contusions that, frankly, look painful. Maybe her face is made from elastic. The subtitle person loves their job and wishes to point out the fact that although ‘Luzity’ is pretty good, ‘Lumity’ is even better.)

Willow: I think I’m demi? I dunno. Mostly focusing on plants, not crushes, so I’ll figure it out whenever!

Gus: (with a straight face) Tragically, it turns out I’m mimesexual -

Luz: (wheezing) NO

___

Comments:

@monsterhighdoll: Gus trying to prove he’s mimesexual

@don’t-just-ask-me-why-i-sparkle: like “you think being gay is hard try telling people youre attracted to clowns” “narsisism aint cute sis” “ive never been owned so hard i think i legally owe you money now”

@showup&blowup: my fave bit is willow pulling out her plants and saying ‘blaze it’

@hexidepride: THE SUBTITLE PERSON IS A GOD WHO ARE THEY

@rickrolled: @hexidepride they really do be feeding the masses

@HexyAndIKnowIt: I TOLD YOU SHE WAS BI FINGER GUNNING WH

@Don’tMindMe: Can we ask who got Eda out of jail,,, did those kids break into the emperor’s place,,, op kiddos

___

Channel: TwoAndAHalfWitches  
^  
Video: YoMomma Joking People We Shouldn’t  
^  
Subtitles on

Luz: Hey, emperor! You momma so stupid, she raised someone who doesn’t know how to run the boiling isles!

Willow: We’re gonna get arrested

Gus: Principal, yo momma so old she was around when witches did magic on paper!

Amity: Or killed

Hooty: I want to join in!

(All four children instantly scatter as if they’ve been hit by a bomb. King must take off running as well, camera shaking, until he takes cover behind a rack.)

King: (panting) I think I’m safe.

Hooty: Eda, yo momma so -

King: (screaming)

Eda: (magically appearing in a blaze of fury) What are you saying about my mother?

(Five Nights At Freddy's characters appear on screen)

___

Comments:

@HexyAndIKnowIt: legit was watching this at the dinner table and my mom almost fell out of her chair when Luz started in on the emperor lmao

@monsterhighdoll: jump scares be like

@hexidepride: @subtitler-chan p l e a s e tell us who you are

@don’t-just-ask-me-why-i-sparkle: this one is for sure gonna get channel deletion attempts

@showup&blowup: are they revolutionaries? like they insult gov officials a lot im just saying id join

@rickrolled: the fandom is in love w/ @subtitler-chan

@Don’tMindMe: I fear for anyone these children take on

___

Channel: TwoAndAHalfWitches  
^  
Video: Watching Up And Crying  
^  
Subtitles on

(The room is dark, and the words ‘use subtitles, sound is bad’ flashes across the screen. ‘[S]ubtitler-chan’, as the fans have been calling them, says ‘eyy’ and that dark rooms are conducive for shipping.)

Movie: Ellie?

Luz: Noooooooo

(Luz is bawling into Amity’s shoulder, staring at the screen through teary eyes. Willow and Gus don’t look much better off, King snuggled in their laps as he mumbles to himself. Amity is somehow completely unaffected, her emotions deadened at this point.)

King: I mean, death is my subject, so I’m pleased… but they were so close to achieving their dream!

Willow: Adoption, Ellie.

Gus: (to Amity) How are you not sobbing

Amity: I never cry at movies?

Luz: (visibly distraught) I - (hiccups) can’t - (sobs) they were perfect and should live forever (voice dissolves on the last word, turning into more sobs)

Gus: You scare me

Amity: It’s obviously not real?

Luz: THEY’RE REAL TO ME AMITY

Luz: GO AWAY

Amity: Oh. Okay.

Luz: Don’t move away what are you doing

Amity:

Amity: I’m sensing some duel opinions here

___

Comments:

@showup&blowup: I AM GONNA CRY UP WAS MY CHILDHOOD

@HexyAndIKnowIt: ive cried at up, httyd3 (for some reason) and marley and me but thats it

@don’t-just-ask-me-why-i-sparkle: a d o p t i o n savage willow

@monsterhighdoll: me too Amity my gf does the same thing

@rickrolled: anyone else remember that one movie about the couple w/ that kid who has leaves and when the leaves die he dies

@hexidepride: @rickrolled ah yes the lorax

@rickrolled: ,,,,,, @hexidepride what version of the lorax did you watch i gotta know

@Don’tMindMe: this hits different watching the second time - you know its gonna happen but YOU DREAD IT SO HARD

___

Luz skims through the comments, grinning at a few of the funnier ones. ‘Marry me subtitler-chan’ seems to be popular amongst the masses.

(Group Chat Name: or hair colors look like trees)

Message from: magical_sports_rules_are_stupid (Luz)  
yo have you guys seen the proposals in the comments yet

Message from: Thing 2 (Ed)  
think we should tell em their precious ‘subtitler-chan’ is actually two eighteen year olds

Message from: Thing 1 (Em)  
Depends, are they cute?

Message from: magical_sports_rules_are_stupid (Luz)  
idk it’s BooTube

Message from: magical_sports_rules_are_stupid (Luz)  
i haven’t actually looked at the subtitles tbh

Message from: Thing 1 (Em)  
Continue not doing that!

Message from: Thing 2 (Ed)  
w h e e z e

Message from: Thing 2 (Ed)  
you promised us full control in exchange for our help luz sorry

Message from: Thing 1 (Em)  
The day you look @ the subs is the day the Emperor's coven finds a way to take down the chanell~

Message from: magical_sports_rules_are_stupid (Luz)  
NOPE I RESPECT THE PRIVACY OF SUBTITLER-CHAN

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Emira: I wonder when she'll give in to temptation?
> 
> Edric: I don't know, but one of the people proposing is pretty cute.
> 
> Emira: Yeah, but they're still calling us 'subtitler-chan' and that's a bit odd.
> 
> Edric: I honestly don't have much room to judge so


	4. The Final Countdown

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO. Super sorry this took so long? And it's not even that long? But I had school and left my computer at home while visiting and friend and,,, yeah
> 
> Anyhow over three thousand kudos for three chapters? Thanks lmao I hope ya'll enjoy these disasters finally getting a conclusive ending.

Channel: TwoAndAHalfWitches  
^  
Video: Luz Dies Harder Than Daichi Sawamura  
^  
Subtitles on

Luz: I think I’m concussed

Willow: She’s vibrating!

Amity: And her hands are in my pockets…?

Luz: Need,,,, warm

Gus: Eda, what did you do to her?

Eda: Something may have dropped on her head. Just a little bit!

King: Eda punched Hooty, and he fell from the sky onto Luz’s skull.

Eda: We agreed to keep that between us and Boiling Isle’s Funniest Families.

King: Your coverup will not stand here!

Willow: Her pupils are so small.

Luz: Foppy sieves…

Amity: Yes, you have floppy sweatshirt sleeves.

Gus: Smol beans.

Luz: Beans in my eyeballs, haha.

Eda: Never speak those words again.

Luz: Toe beans but for eyes

Willow: Oh god

Luz: Won Reasley

Amity: Do you remember your name?

Luz: Hooty! Hooty, did you know you’re adopted?

Hooty: (devastated) What?

(The video changes, Luz is now lying on the ground with her face pressed into the dirt. She flops her arm around - one wonders who let her outside.)

Willow: Luz, you’re bleeding!

Luz: Noooo… my blood is my friend… come back…

Amity: She’s out of her mind.

Luz: I might be out of my mind - but you’re (finger guns) out of this world!

(Luz remains on the ground, face pressed into the earth. Her words are muffled, but audible. Amity looks like she’s the one that’s been concussed. Gus, off to the side, looks like he’s going to cry, while Willow has disassociated long ago.)

Amity: Aa.

Eda: Well that escalated quickly! Congrats, and all that. I’m gonna go bug Lilith.

___

Comments: comments for this video have been disabled due to influx.

___

Channel: TwoAndAHalfWitches  
^  
Video: Lilith Isn’t So Bad, Actually  
^  
Subtitles on

Luz: On this channel, we admit when we were wrong!

Amity: Blights are not often wrong.

Gus: We have theories. They’re never wrong if they don’t get proven one way or another.

Willow: And so, we’re here to apologize to Lilith.

Gus: Congrats on not being as terrible as we thought!

Lilith: Ah - I’m not entirely sure what I’m doing here, but… thank you.

Amity: She hasn’t seen the other video, has she.

Luz: Nope! And she never will!

Willow: Miss Lilith, we’re sorry for saying you’re like tweedle-dum.

Gus: We apologize for claiming you were switched for a changeling at birth.

Amity: We very much regret saying you’re a poor excuse for an emo, B-list movie villain.

(Gus chuckles fondly at the memory of the insult. Lilith, who looked confused if hopeful at the beginning of the video, is now hunching slightly in irritated disappointment.)

Lilith: … thanks. I regret saying you’re hooligans who’d never make it in the real world.

(An image of Lilith with shades on is superimposed over the video for a moment)

Gus: (teary-eyed) I accept your apology.

Hooty: While we’re apologizing for things -

Lilith: I assure you, whatever you’re about to apologize for, we don’t want to know about it.

___

Comments: comments for this video have been disabled due to influx.

___

“Amity,” Luz brings up one day, “about the girlfriend tag.” Amity appears to contract a deadly virus in a matter of moments, choking and turning bright red. Luz bites her lip. “I mean - uh, it’s. A thing. People are asking us to do.”

“Yes,” Amity agrees, staring steadfastly at the ceiling.

“And we… could? If you wanted to, I mean.”

Amity finally turns to look at her, gaping. “Are you asking me out?”

“Yes?” Luz replies hesitantly.

Amity throws her hands over her face and shrieks.

“Ah!” Luz yelps, rushing over to her. “Oh, forget I said it if you’re gonna die because of it!”

“Nooooo,” Amity wails, “I mean, yes! I just had a heart attack, that’s all.”

“Oh.”

Willow ducks her head back into the living room, Gus on her heels, and eyes them. Gus gives them double thumbs up. “Excellent video fodder!”

“Also, congrats!” Willow chirps, elbowing Gus. He nods quickly.

Luz stands stock still, then pumps her fist in the air. “I’m gonna brag about my personal life to strangers on the internet!”

“Ahhhhh,” Amity mumbles, dead.

___

Channel: TwoAndAHalfWitches  
^  
Video: Hot Elf Gf  
^  
Subtitles on

Luz: GUESS WHAT I HAVE

Willow: The name of the video.

Gus: Spoilers!

(Amity is curled up in the corner out of extreme embarrassment and happiness. As the other two Blight siblings, we’d like to congratulate her on both her new girlfriend and the fact that she’s carrying on the proud tradition of disappointing our asshole parents.)

Luz: Soooo, we know that a lot of you have been asking about our relationship.

(Images of all the BooTube comments saying something along the lines of ‘are you two dating’ or shipping them flick over the screen, piling up rapid fire. ‘Date date date’, “#LUMITY’, and ‘wow I wish my bf and I were like these ‘platonic friends’ (so far)’ are a few of them.)

Luz: We are, in fact, now dating for real!

Gus: Amity, please emerge from behind the couch.

Amity: Nope, I live here now

(Several very short clips of them coaxing Amity out of the couch play)

Willow: It’s like getting a cat out of a tree.

Amity: (hisses)

(Luz and Amity are now holding hands, and Amity still looks mortified. Both are smiling uncontrollably. It’s the cutest shit, but also as her siblings, we remind them to chill on the PDA - we edit this thing.)

Luz: … I have no idea what the girlfriend tag is.

Gus: Look it up, and if you can’t answer your relationship is doomed.

Luz: Can I fire you, technically?

Gus: No.

Willow: Here’s one: when did you meet her parents?

Luz:

Amity:

Willow: You know what, what color is her eyes?

(Luz and Amity turn to look at each other’s eye color)

Willow: … cheating, I see.

Gus: What’s her weirdest habit?

Luz: She does this thing with her face when she’s mad.

Amity: Wearing otter onesies all the time.

Willow: What sport does she like the most?

Amity and Luz: Not grudgeball!

Gus: That was scary. Are you scared?

Willow: What’s her favorite book?

Luz and Amity: Azura books!

Willow: Complete the sentence: My girlfriend is…?

Amity: Amazing - really good with people, and such a hard worker -

Luz: Amity.

Amity: Yeah?

Luz: … the answer to the question.

Willow: I - okay.

___

Comments:

@hexidepride: NPGRXOBPBVITXD LOOKED UP THE TWINS AND THEYRE BOTH? SUPER HOT AND TALENTED? I KNEW I LOVED ‘subtitler-chan’

@WeGayKeepScrollin: amity - a queen as always

___

Channel: TwoAndAHalfWitches  
^  
Video: Is Amity A Simp  
^  
Subtitles on

Willow: Do we even need to answer this one?

Gus: It’s not about the answer, it’s about going into detail about how she’s a simp.

Luz: You guys have selective understanding of human words, huh.

Amity: Does anyone else feel like these videos have been targeting me lately?

___

Comments: comments for this video have been disabled due to influx.

___

Channel: TwoAndAHalfWitches  
^  
Video: Stealing Amity’s Scroll and Going Through Her Spellify  
^  
Subtitles on

Willow: Amity and Luz actually aren’t here for this one, because they’re out on a date!

(Footage from Amity and Luz’s ‘date’ plays: Amity creeps through a cave in front of Luz, who must be the one filming. Luz pans the camera over to a cavern wall.)

Luz: Wonder how hygienic this place is…

Amity: You’re not allowed to lick anything here.

(The video switches to Amity’s camera, and she turns around. Luz stands with her tongue getting rapidly nearer to the wall, eyes darting guiltily over to Amity.)

Luz: Uh.

Amity: (running over) No -

(In her attempt to stop her girlfriend from licking the cave, Amity trips and falls into her. The camera catches Luz pitching forwards and licking the wall by accident. The video switches back to Gus and Willow, in the Owl House.)

Gus: They must be having fun.

Willow: Anyways, Amity left her scroll here. It’s got facial recognition. Let’s see - Gus?

(Gus makes an illusion of Amity, and the scroll lets them in. The subtitlers would like to inform Gus that they’re proud of his ingenuity, but saddened that Amity is going to know how we keep getting into it.)

Gus: Let’s try this playlist. (presses play)

Scroll: Straight hair, straight A’s, straight forward -

Willow: (wheezing) Oh my magic, Little Miss Perfect is her theme song

Gus: She has seven Girl In Red songs in the first ten!

Willow: ‘I won’t say I’m in love’?

Gus: ‘She used to be mine’ - tragic, ‘Just a Friend to You’ - I wonder if she added these after Grom.

Willow: Dyed hair, these songs, the black nails… no wonder Lilith wanted her as a protege! They’re both emos.

Gus: Didn’t Lilith have orange hair too? She’s so pale, I swear -

(The video switches to a clip of Gus running into the kitchen. Lilith sits at the table, stirring some drink. Gus points a finger at her.)

Gus: Your pale skin… black clothes… I know what you are!

Lilith: (slams hands on the table) Say it out loud!

Gus: Vampire!

Willow: I was gonna go with ghost, but you do you.

Lilith: (visibly sweating)

Gus: Hybrid.

Willow: … do I want to know how that would work?

Gus: Nah, let’s just go blast Heather until we cry.

Willow: Teenage Dirtbag!

Gus: What’s New Pussycats!

Willow: The intro to She-Ra!

Gus: The Voltron transformation sequence!

Willow: Scooby Doo!

Lilith: Go away!

Gus: I haven’t heard that one.

___

Comments:

@showup&blowup: voltron transformation sequence do be lasting three years tho

@HexyAndIKnowIt: WE’RE GONNA WIN IN THE ENDDDDDDD

@don’t-just-ask-me-why-i-sparkle: She-Ra’s hella gay too so it’s an apt cartoon for this channell

@Don’tMindMe: can you believe they’re almost at one mil

@TwoAndAHalfWitches: @Don’tMindMe we’re w h a t

@Don’tMindMe: @TwoAndAHalfWitches AAAAAAAAAAAAAA BLESSED

@monsterhighdoll: *love of my life by daya playing in the background*

@rickrolled: amity with her dumb nerd gf is iconic

@WeGayKeepScrollin: @Don’tMindMe this is??? the first time they've ever responded??? prepping for war are they

@hexidepride: @rickrolled the w/w content we need in these trying times

___

Channel: TwoAndAHalfWitches  
^  
Livestream: Fighting The One Million Sub Demon - Why Did You Guys Do This To Us (alternatively titled: How Many Zeros In One Million)

Luz: (screaming)

Amity: (yelling instructions at the others)

Gus: (waving flags)

Willow: (growing plants)

Demon: (chasing them)

Subtitlers: (laughing)

Edric: Technically, aren’t we part of this channel? We’re the ones doing the subtitles.

Emira: Yeah, but this is way funnier. 

Edric: If we’re subtitlers, and siblings, are we sibtitlers?

Emira: I clearly have all the brain cells here.

Edric: Yo, followers! We’re filming and generally being onscreen this vid for obvious reasons.

(All screaming)

Emira: I guess this is a proper face reveal, for those of you who didn’t look us up.

Edric: A terrifying notion.

Emira: Regretfully, I have to decline the marriage proposals - Viney, you can stop being jealous now. Sorry, cuties!

Edric: I’m still open to em!

Emira: Oh, we know. You stood by the punch bowl for way too long last Grom.

Edric: Amity and Luz fought Grom last time. How long was I at the punch bowl before it escaped?

Emira: A sad amount of time.

Edric: Hm.

(Don’t Kill My Vibe plays)

(Gus goes flying in the air, landing safely on a bed of flowers that Willow’s conjured for him)

Emira: This is almost impressive.

Edric: In a sad way.

King: Weh? I thought I was recording today!

(The twins exchange looks, then bolt. King is now in sole possession of the camera, something he thinks gives him more power than it does. Perhaps that’s why he got the job in the first place.)

Luz: (yelling) Thanks for getting us one million subs, guys!

Amity: (also yelling) Is she serious? I can’t tell!

Gus: No, she’s Luz!

Willow: I’ll quit, here and now! I mean it this time, Gus!

___

Comments:

@TwoAndAHalfWitches: srsly… thanks guys

@subtitler-chan: This is the only thing that brings our cold, dead hearts joy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!! Tell me what you thought, if you want me to write more TOH, whatever

**Author's Note:**

> What would've happened if one/both of them couldn't dance. Just sucked at tangoing ya know
> 
> tumblr: socially-acceptable-username


End file.
